The Earth Savers Blog

Unreasonable

I have had a reasonable life

I have been comfortable & cared for
I have the “things” that people strive for and work to have, and a reasonable amount of these “things”
I have reasonable expectations, and reasonable goals
I get up in the morning and have a reasonable cup of coffee

I reason with myself all day long that I should be at peace with reasonable...

yet the truth scratches like a stray dog at the back door of my heart to be let in...

begs me to be allowed in....
with it’s growing cries to surrender:
“The gig is up,”  the sham revealed,
and my hideout finally exposed.

It's my fault because I was afraid from the beginning to be unreasonable and allow the power of love to wreck and ravage me for fear of my own undoing.

My deepest desire is that there be truth.
and allow myself the basic and fundamental yearning to love, and be loved and yes, it seems unreasonable at times that I should ache for that.
I should just be happy with what I have...contented, because after all, on other levels...I am 
completely and utterly
in love
with my life
and the way
I “become” here, and in who I am...
and
at least
I have that.
but do I?
The scratching again...the awful noise of
the truth
whispers
that
I have barely begun to live
barely begun
to experience life’s greatest gifts
without that

Is it unreasonable
to want more?
to think that I can grow and become a little more with every single day
and absorb every
single
beautiful
detail
of life
in every
single
joy
and sorrow
that I should
touch?
Is there not a lesson in
each and every one
of these?
and do I not want to share the joy
of my awakenings
with someone
who
i think
can rejoice in my
discoveries and I
in theirs bringing me closer to
the mystery of my own
meaning? Closer to the understanding and gift of my own wretched and beautiful existence?

Is it unreasonable to realize that a portion of my life is unfulfilled
and to call it
the way I now have been beckoned to see it?
Is it too late now? To realize
that I have erred, and taken a path that only
led
to this
discovery
and can I recover? Can they?
I never meant to hurt anyone.

Is it unreasonable now to
reclaim my life and
create a space
for the possibility of more?
A space for love
connection
acceptance
joy
abundance
peace
and forgiveness of myself?

I am drawn toward the unreasonable life after all....
I have never been one
to sit
for long

in the mundane

it

makes me
restless
uneasy
this is not to say
that I can not feel contentment and peace, but that is the emotional after life of being alive, and
to be alive
I must
dare to be unreasonable.
extraordinary...not ordinary
and ordinary is the shadow life

of the the reasonable life, and that I am sure...is not for me

We only get one chance after all.....

Reasonable.

Did anyone

ever

accomplish
or
relish
in their own
or another’s greatness
by being reasonable?

I am just a woman
who is finally willing
to
stand
in the place
where life can be
whatever I say
no matter
how terrifying
and alone
that sometimes feels.
And LOVE?.....
I have discovered
that I can
love
again
because
I am
willing to love
myself again
and give
myself
back
to the
truth
that lives
in the heart
I tried
to silence
long ago
because I believed
it was more “reasonable”
to think
that I

ever really

could.

If Life is a House

If life is a house then you might find yourself having a finite amount of emotional real estate.

Some of it gets taken up by friends and family,  children, co-workers, and every so often just by people that simply pass through life on a day to day basis.

If you have a bad experience at the dry cleaners, you can choose whether or not to let the experience drain you emotionally.  It's a choice.

If life is a house then some people add value and some...not so much. 

If life is a house then whomever you choose to let inside can help you or hurt you. They can help you make it a beautiful place to be, or they can help you make it ugly.  You might wish some people could stay forever, while others start to smell like fish in record time. 

Some people might leave you excessive messes to clean up, and when you go to listen to the stereo you let them borrow you realize they blew the speakers out. If this happens it might be time to escort them to the door, and you might think twice before inviting them back.

If life is a house then some people who knock on the door might be wolves in sheep clothing.

Some come in who'll be the life of the party, and everything seems so fun and great, but  as times goes by   they don't seem to get the message that there is a time to party and a time for real life and real responsibilities. They do stupid things, and make lots of drama where there is none. They talk a big game (especially if they've been drinking) and when you try to talk to them about things you need from them to help clean up the place they get belligerent, and you feel like a buzz kill. Those guests sometimes store the bad feelings that got created till the next time, and it grows. One day, because you never put your foot down and said the party was over, they swing on the chandeliers and spill red wine on the white rugs and bring other guests you would never even introduce to your own mother. 

If life is a house and you spend your energy giving it to the guests who don't respect it's charm and warmth and hospitality, then you might eventually start to see things deteriorate. Before long you have an overgrown yard with old tires and a cast iron tub on your lawn, and the people you'd really love to get to know more stop coming by to visit.

You have to be responsible for how you maintain your own house... and a good lesson for everyone is that parties are only fun because they are over within a few hours and therefore special for a reason. In the meantime, if you are not at the party you'll have more time to spend doing other things that will add value in a different way to your life, i mean think about the beer gut you can avoid. Now you can focus on inviting in people that make your house more beautiful and help you maintain it. They won't swing from your chandeliers, and overstep your boundaries all the time, nor will they leave you excessive messes that take days, sometimes even weeks to clean up. They won't  bring in a wolf and call it a sheep, and they don't cause your brain to endlessly circle as it tries to create sense and order out of something that has none.

If life is a house and you find as you look through the bedrooms that some guests are lounging around making the place stink then you may want to consider the following:  You invited them in, and you can invite them out.

If you've tried over and over to work with what you have to make it structurally sound and realize you might have built the whole thing on quicksand, then you might be better off to just bulldoze the whole thing down.

If life is a house, then renovation is always an option.