The bad news about the "follow me" widget on Type pad is that when you first put it up...there are no followers. If you would like to make me feel less pathetic - I'd love for you to hit "follow me" http://www.earthsavers.typepad.com/
I'm so sorry your feeling so mixed up, and sad and lost. I truly empathize.
I have been physically separated from my husband for the last eighteen months, and before that...well, is anyone's guess. How can one be "together" with someone else when they live "separately" inside themselves. Maybe we were never together?
Maybe it was him, maybe it was me, and maybe it was both. Maybe it does not even matter.
Maybe what matters most is that I spent the last thirteen years of my life loving him, loving myself, and loving my children. I spent my time trying to fit into the picture I wanted for my own life, his life, and our collective life. After ten years of trying inside a marriage my only conclusion is that it was not working- for either of us. does it mean our love failed? I don't think so.
Do I love him any less now? No. I still love him with all my heart, and will continue to love him for my eternity because of all he taught me, all he gave me, all he is and is "becoming."
I can not "pin" faults on him or on myself ( although I've made that mistake) as I truly think we can only do the best we can as we are, with the information and wisdom we have at the time. I CAN of course look back and find faults, as we both have them. We are human.
I believe we would do ourselves a huge dis-service to focus on the faults instead of focusing on what we learned, and on what's important now.
What IS important now? I guess each person is his or her own judge of what's important now, and sometimes it's hard to quiet the voices of the well intended or not so well intended around us as they clamor their opinions, judgments, advice, and criticisms.
It's hard to rise above the noise of "fall- out" of friendships, disappointed parents, or unexamined rumors from the community at large, and just listen to one's own heart.
My heart tells me which direction to head... and some days the path seems dark and hollow and foreboding. Other times i am sure i can see sunlight breaking through the clouds, and a clearing just around the bend. I don't know for sure where my heart is leading me but I'm taking the bet that wherever it is- it's a journey worth taking.
Don't be afraid of self doubt, and of looking over your shoulder at the past- it's normal.
Just don't make the mistake of dragging your past into your future, because you'll find yourself moving in circles- around and around, and that's no fun either.
Just listen deeply, and quietly and carefully- and I know you'll find your way.
I'm positive of one thing:
Each one of us is unique, individual and unrepeatable. Each one of us must face ourselves in the final hour of our time here and be able to "rest" at peace knowing that we strove toward our best selves and gave it our all.
It's important that we allow each other the space to listen and learn at our own pace and to discover our own unique purpose. If we can bring the gift of our discoveries to the surface and share with those around us, it's possible to spread light and love in our wake - and with courage- illuminate a path for those who are coming through behind us, just as those did who have walked the path before us.
Over the past few years I have come to know more about Lyme Disease than I ever cared to.
I do not have Lyme myself- yet find myself realizing that this could change at any moment given that it's one of the fastest growing natural threats lurking outside in everyones back yard.
It does not play favorites, and instead can affect and infect anyone regardless of your color, culture, age or social status. It does not discriminate even based on species.
Human, dogs, cats, and other mammals are just as susceptible to getting it simply by getting bit by a tick sometimes no bigger than a freckle.
Most alarming to me that been the conflicting messages about how to prevent identify, treat or heal Lyme and it's many co-infections. Undiagnosed it can manifest and mimic many other diseases and without proper treatment can wreck havoc on the body's immune system, muscles and joints, and brain.
I've been hearing about Lyme disease ever since i was little ( my dad's friend had it) and since then I have grown to know countless friends, family members and associates who all have their own experience with the disease and it's devastating effects.
Now, years later I have over fifteen close friends who have Lyme, or whose children have Lyme. Education continues to be extremely conflicting, and the medical community is wary of patients who continue to have chronic symptoms *after they have been "effectively" treated with antibiotics.
My own sense of frustration and helplessness mounts as time passes and i bear witness to the suffering and the lack of response and so I reach for what I know how to do, to see if perhaps in organizing voices that together the shout out can be loud enough so that our friends, neighbors and family members can take a quick minute out of their busy day to listen up and learn a few things that may just save their lives or he lives of their children.
Please join us at Lyme Out Loud as we share resources, stories, and treatments to stop the suffering, misinformation and ignorance about Lyme Disease.
I interviewed Sparrow for the Earth Savers Blog over a year ago and never posted the interview. I consider him a true Earth Saver because he has taken a good long look at what makes a man a man, and brought to them a program for accessing their hopes, dreams, and vision for their future. I wanted to help him by spreading the news of the upcoming program:
In his own words:
"Nearly all men have the experience of being under-fathered, and consequently, over-mothered. We have grown up in our mother's castle, and although we may have physically left, very few of us have really separated. Mother comes with us, standing between us and other men, projected onto women in our lives. Without love, guidance and teaching from fathers and elders, we struggle with how to become, and what it means to be a man.
Without fathers, elders to initiate us into a sacred sense of masculinity, to ground us in the spiritual and emotional life of men, we are confused about power. Having no positive, male mode of personal power, we react to the omnipresent feminine: we push it away, degrading and trying to dominate it in ourselves and in women; we submit, trying to become nice men, good boys. Overly passive or overly aggressive, men are often, at their core, lost. We vacillate, dependent, somehow needing to separate, unable to commit, unable to leave."
and then his email:
I never know how to address a letter that I'm sending to a list, but here it is. This announcement is about a men's program, and I'm sending it to those who've expressed interest in either the vision quests or workshops I lead.
In a little over a month I'll start this year's Mythic Warrior program. Many men, perhaps most, are isolated and don't have a vibrant male community in which to explore the deeper yearnings of their souls. The Mythic Warrior is such a place. It follows the myth of the hero's journey as applied to men's lives in a circle of men committed to self-discovery and healing. It's a wild and tender rise, and I don't think there's anything like this program anywhere.
My email lists aren't divided by gender. So if this announcement reaches you, and you're a man who is interested in coming, I'd love to hear from you. Or if you are a woman (or a man who won't be coming yourself) and know any men who would be drawn to come, I'd like to ask your help in getting the word out by passing this announcement along to a man you think might be interested. Or, if you're willing to leave some flyers in a food coop, conference center, alternative bookstore, or gathering place in your area you think people conducive to this program might frequent, I'll be happy send you some.
I have been accepting photography jobs lately. In addition to the fact that I've always loved imagery, I have been a huge fan of instant gratification since birth :) I love my digital camera!
I've had the opportunity to do some very special events this past summer and I want to thank those who have allowed me the pleasure of capturing these special moments.
The two photos below were of the Wedding of Kenneth and Lisa. It was a great opportunity and challenge to photograph their event because it was so simple, and intimate. Just the two of them, their two friends, the officiant, and myself attending. They married inside a "circle" of flowers to symbolize eternity. The simplicity of the event was just plain beautiful.
Tomorrow will be our first day of school. I took Manon to get her hair "blown out" and washed and you would think she had died and gone to heaven. Sometimes it's the little things that can make all the difference in the world.
I prefer to not be uncomfortable and yet I find that what ever i seem to resist has it's own measure of persistence, and therefore I find myself almost aways in some measure of discomfort: late, tired, sore, angry, tense, anxious, hopeful, fearful and you get the idea.
My Life is all about uncertainty (especially now) and if I simply accept this than it becomes more interesting to me to measure my progress by how I relate to the discomfort rather than avoid it or live in the illusion that it can be avoided at all.
To find access to compassion and tenderness in myself and those around me in all moments in life is what i strive to do. Bodhicitta is not a fools errand but a warriors journey.